I have
put off nurturing my creative spirit. I’ve misplaced my ability to unravel a
story, to enrapture myself and others into a fable. Did I lose my muse, or did my muse lose me?
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| Photo by BigFoto.com |
My dear
muse, I know you are out there…sometimes I feel you trying to capture my
attention, but I’m lost in a tangle of cobwebs and paper. I have lost my joy at
times, but I’m working my way to find it
again. I have glimmers of it, when I’m in a crowded place and the music is
loud. We are all dancing, to get lost in the music, to find ourselves, to feel
a sense of belonging, to know all is right in that exact moment, to become one
with the universe.
The
music bathes us as we are all covered in sweat and dirt, the musicians, the
dancers; the audience becomes part of the spectacle. Afterwards, women only a
few years older than me can claim or accuse, “I saw you out there dancing.”
They think I’m one of the young ones, but I’m only a mirror, reflecting
whatever they choose to see. I am neither young nor old; I just am here-never
really blending in or belonging, yet not completely out of place.
I’ve
spent too many years “on pause”, uncertain and unsure. I left my old life, but
didn’t start a new one. Merely worked, spent time with the kids, and healed old
wounds (primordial wounds from childhood). I spent 7 years nurturing the kids
and me. Found my way to a job closer to home.
2015
was a strange transition year. I attempted dating, and made some bad judgments.
I can’t blame my intuition for my mistakes, because I had simply refused to honor and listen to it.
The beginning of this year, I’ve dusted myself off and forgive myself, certain
now that I will honor and listen. I want to embrace life, have fun, and explore
the world a bit more. Move forward – hit play and record. 2016 is going to be a
beautiful, incredible, and humbling adventure.
