Tribute to Ric Ocasek

I have been a bit frozen, not really able to write anything about the passing of my favorite writer/artist/techno-mage. Everyone else has been able to express such deep-felt sorrow. The week after Ric’s death, I went and mourned with strangers on a dance floor and with friends as I played records. [So many songs played Friday the 20^th, yet so many songs were not played. Ric’s songwriting was so prolific, I barely played any of his solo albums.] I read so many articles, including one that asked, “Am I mourning Ric Ocasek? Or my lost youth?” [The answer, of course, is both!]

The Cars (and Ric’s) music had been a cohesive force in my life. [For example, “It’s All Mixed Up” perfectly described all 10-year-old me witnessed going on with my parents.] Ric’s lyrics helped me make sense of the world, and myself. His writing helped me find my own voice; his music helped me express different facets of my personality. When I was a young mom with no social life, “meeting” people online became a wonderful way to make friends, share ideas, and learn new things. Maybe in some way, I had let go a bit after seeing The Cars at First Avenue May 2011. Seeing my favorite band at my favorite venue was surreal, beautiful and healing.  

On and off these last 2 weeks, I’ve been in a dull funk. It felt like a door permanently shut behind me when I heard the news. I’ve had little nudges like this before, but this is all I could think: It’s time to move forward (or get out of the way). It’s time to express my art, share my soul with others. No more hiding in the shadows. What an overwhelming feeling.

Yet, we all need to step forward, and do what we’re meant to do. To live our best life, to be kind, to be true to our souls, to encourage and help others in their creativity and self-expression. What else could be a better tribute to Ric Ocasek? 

Thank you Ric: for sharing your songs, and your talent, as well as providing an example of how to live a life as an artist. I’m sending so much love, peace, and healing to his family, friends, and to the people in his life. Us fans, we have the music, and the inspiration; nothing can take that away.

Rest In Peace, RO.

With much love and respect,

Leora Tozer (aka Deb M)

Musings for Tonight.

I have put off nurturing my creative spirit. I’ve misplaced my ability to unravel a story, to enrapture myself and others into a fable.  Did I lose my muse, or did my muse lose me?

Photo by BigFoto.com

My dear muse, I know you are out there…sometimes I feel you trying to capture my attention, but I’m lost in a tangle of cobwebs and paper. I have lost my joy at times, but I’m working  my way to find it again. I have glimmers of it, when I’m in a crowded place and the music is loud. We are all dancing, to get lost in the music, to find ourselves, to feel a sense of belonging, to know all is right in that exact moment, to become one with the universe.

The music bathes us as we are all covered in sweat and dirt, the musicians, the dancers; the audience becomes part of the spectacle. Afterwards, women only a few years older than me can claim or accuse, “I saw you out there dancing.” They think I’m one of the young ones, but I’m only a mirror, reflecting whatever they choose to see. I am neither young nor old; I just am here-never really blending in or belonging, yet not completely out of place.

I’ve spent too many years “on pause”, uncertain and unsure. I left my old life, but didn’t start a new one. Merely worked, spent time with the kids, and healed old wounds (primordial wounds from childhood). I spent 7 years nurturing the kids and me. Found my way to a job closer to home.

2015 was a strange transition year. I attempted dating, and made some bad judgments. I can’t blame my intuition for my mistakes, because I had simply refused to honor and listen to it. The beginning of this year, I’ve dusted myself off and forgive myself, certain now that I will honor and listen. I want to embrace life, have fun, and explore the world a bit more. Move forward – hit play and record. 2016 is going to be a beautiful, incredible, and humbling adventure.

Why Music?

I've been drawn to music most of my life. In the past, it's been able to express emotions when I didn't have the words to communicate how I felt.

What is it about music that draws a person in?

Music is art for the masses. It is easily accessible, yet pure emotion.

Music speaks to our souls. Reminds us to enjoy life, to love, to breathe. Music is more than the notes played or the poetic words sung. The synergy of the two, mixing and melding, creates a new energy, spinning though the universe.

In looking at old musings, I realized that music is what has set me free. Free from repression, from depression, from fear and regression.


Maybe this is why most of my fictional dream lovers are musicians. The fellows who created this music: I'll always have a place in my heart for them.

Why do I only find lovers in dreams?

He slipped into my dreams only the last week or so...unexpected and strange.

When I was a young and innocent teen, he was my harmless (ie: safe) celebrity crush. Safe because he was from another time period.

But why has he reappeared in my dream-scape? Maybe it's simply the ideal I see in him as a man. In all I've read over the years, he is kind, a good listener, funny, and fair-minded.

When watching the movies, you see the pure soul within him when he plays music. 

Funny, wistful...yet had a tough life as a child. Worked hard, not much school; although, back then, many people didn't complete school. Family is the all important dynamic; the brothers became successful together, as a team.

These are all ideal qualities. Perhaps no one can really compare.

Yet, I'm surprised by the few dreams of the last week~~time machine dreams. I'm a temporary visitor to the past, with only a few days time. Yet, I have to act as though I belong within that time, which is oddly familiar, yet difficult.

The dreams leave my soul feeling stirred, unsettled by hiding in fantasy. Should I be concerned?

After some consideration, no, not really. I should allow myself the pleasure of fantasy. Let myself lighten up. Enjoy life a bit. Fantasy can add a spark to life that we would otherwise forget if we were left to our own devices.