Overthinking?

I was just asked:

If an individual analyzes their thoughts too much do they become stumbling or more refined?

from BigFoto.com

Think about muffins or eggs that are overcooked, how do they taste? They have the taste of regrets, fears, and the what ifs of some other time.

From what I observed and experienced, I believe when a person overthinks, either they become frozen within their thoughts, and inaction occurs, or they get lost in the maze of their own thoughts, and come to a false conclusion. This mind maze can be a sad, fearful place to reside.

Our minds make decision based on past experiences, on old perceptions. If we want to move beyond our old programming (IE: what we’ve experienced in the past), we need to listen to the calm, quiet voice residing near our heart – our soul. Our soul has the road map to the future; we limit ourselves unnecessarily at times. We have to open ourselves up, even if we feel unpracticed in taking chances.

There is no wrong answer in life. We just are. I am no longer willing to be a side character in my own life.

Or, am I overthinking this?

The woman who keeps breaking her own heart

I keep finding unique ways to break my own heart.

Photo from Bigfoto

My heart got too attached too quickly, which scared me too much. I felt too deeply, too much lust, love, infatuation. So I cracked myself open too soon, too intensely. It was a unique way to push a really cool, open guy away. 

I have managed to break my own heart this week, mainly by not being able to step back and allowing things to naturally unfold. It would have been a beautiful mystery to unravel together.

We were both very honest about who we were; it was refreshing and quite addictive. The way we touched, how he kissed me. His touch was firm and gentle; he knew intuitively how to caress me.

I’ve been deprived of kisses and a certain type of physical connection for a while, and it shook my core too much. [Besides being divorced for 10 years, I had been married to someone who didn’t need physical affection like I did. He didn’t like hugs or kisses, so I have spent the majority of my life without affection.]

Maybe a part of me felt like he was keeping me at arm’s length emotionally. My hope is to find someone who is willing to just take a risk, and be willing to open their heart and mind to any possibility. [None of us can predict what could happen if two people are able to let go and trust. It could be a thing of great beauty, intensely sensual and pure bliss.]

I believe we are all works in progress. Each a bit flawed, with our own imperfections, flaws, and uniqueness. Yet, that is what makes a person attractive, their uniqueness.

I really do have a good life. This week, I’ll need to be extra gentle and remind myself of all of the beauty, sweetness and good here in my corner of the world. At least I was willing to take a chance, and there are beautiful lessons in this.

Scrabble Story (written June 7, 2016)

We went to the pub to have a beer. As I opened the door, we saw a thug riled at the barkeep, insisting on rum for his companion, a nun. Rexes, a tsar from Texas, lay down on the lawn and said “Wow!” If I was sane, I would have left right then. 

The Jedi showed off judo moves and taught me the Art of Qi. My Qi was engaged and I felt as centered as 12 AM. The oak shaded the Mod, while he lit a roach; he gave the eye and said, “I’d offer you a tip. You’re Fine.” “Fa,” I replied; I didn’t give a flip what he thought as I walked across the lawn. The chef cooked beans on the stove and encouraged us to graze on Total cereal. The Mod picking lices from his pubic area was drole.

PS: Thanks to B. for the great Scrabble Game.

Clarifying Thoughts

“I’ve been quiet for too long

And I don’t want to be silent any longer.”

You expressed something

That’s been rattling around

In my soul for the last few months.

I’ve was voiceless for too long

It’s time to speak up, to be seen

I won’t be bullied by society anymore

I need to speak up for those who can’t

Part of me feels fear

Fear of repercussions for the people I love

Yet…

I need to speak and be heard

Not speaking means silencing the heart

Life gives us an opportunity

To step out of your comfort zone

To grow means pushing forward

Stepping into the unknown

Makes your heart beat a little faster

Waking myself to Life

There is nothing quite as invigorating as having a conversation that makes you rethink things. I’m fortunate to have had a couple last night at a local drinking establishment (after the brewery shut down).

Conversation #1:

Just a short story about how someone encouraged her to try running, just by starting out with 2 minutes and building up to more. It was eye-opening to her that she could do it, when she's used to people telling her it’s not possible. I could relate to that so much with how my family viewed things.

We often limit ourselves by not seeing that we stand in our own way. We automatically say “Yes” to things we don’t want to do, and “No” to things we do want to do. We need to be kind to ourselves and say “Yes” to you more often. Also, it makes me want to invite a few more souls into my life who are saying “Yes” to themselves and the grand adventure of life.

 

Photo by bigfoto.com

Conversation #2:

A little while later, a friend’s husband was sharing with me how he felt that volleyball was the only real sport. That other sports (such as football and soccer) only featured one or two featured players and the coach directs the plays Volleyball involved teamwork. No one player is more important than the other. The coach is there to cheer the players on, and the players are the ones who make the decisions on the next play.

This could be a great metaphor for life. Perhaps we be more like a volleyball team, everyone take turns at serving. We work together as one towards a common goal. Could we start believing that we are all a part of something unique, something beautiful?

I’m feeling so much more open to honoring my intuition. Living life day by day, and seeing where the journey will take me. Breaking my heart further open and seeing what happens next.

Pondering Presence

Presence (noun): 1) the state or fact of existing, occurring, or be present in a place or thing; 2) a person or thing that exists or is present in a place but not seen.

I now realize that before you made this comment, I was pondering this idea due to observing life around me.

In order to obtain presence, a person needs to be open and connected to their heart. To really be open to presence, we have to be willing to be vulnerable, take a chance to be human with each other.

We can’t be there for each other if we hide behind a façade of formality. We have to break down our own walls that keep us apart from others. We are all connected, yet we in a world of illusion that makes us believe that we are separate. If we feel disconnected, it is because we disconnected ourselves from others.

We each have to ask ourselves: Am I done hiding in the shadows? Am I tired of getting lost in a haze? Can one look in the mirror and see love, even love for the most human, imperfect parts of one’s self?  

If we want something in our lives, we need to be the very thing we seek.

It would be the same, whether we are seeking presence from another soul, from God, the universe, or ourselves.

The Perfect Scene

Sometimes when creating, the perfect scene pours out of my mind and onto the paper (or electronic document). It is something I can see so clearly, and I feel fortunate enough to capture it.


Then, the rest of the story is still a mystery. What happened before? What happens next? I want to know and share it with the world.


The mystery man remains silent, and doesn't share his story with me.

Short Musing: 15 Minutes

In talking with a friend today, I realized that it's too easy to feel overwhelmed by the world. And when a person feels overwhelmed, it is easy to feel stuck or trapped by our circumstances. I see this over and over with people I know, and have felt this way from time to time too.

But if we can just spend 15 minutes just doing something that will improve our situation (cleaning out one cluttered drawer), tapping into our creativity (taking 1 sheet of paper and writing down whatever pops into your head) and/or spending time on oneself (soaking in a warm bath), we are improving and investing in ourselves. If we can do this every day, we are changing the narrative of life. We are showing that we do matter. 

It's too easy to say that we don't have time. And yes, sometimes there really is no time. But overall, if one is not kind to oneself, why should others be considerate of us?

Other people might think that this is time wasted. True, if I write, maybe no one else will enjoy it or even read it. It might never be published, but who's to say all writing has to be published. 

When we just keep our heads down and work, are we contributing to our souls dying a little bit each day? 

I've spent too much wasted time worried about what other people think. I am going forward in the world with peaceful and positive intentions and not wishing harm to anyone. So, I need to let go of being who other people think I should be. I need to be true to who I am. 

And yes, last night when writing I figured out something. When I shut off the writing, I feel a little less alive.

I don't know what the future has in store. I'm done hiding in the shadows. It's time to embrace life, appreciate my eccentricities, and just find my way.

Thank you for sharing this 15 minutes with me.

Cracked Ice story-list of all of the segments (so far)

If reading the "Cracked Ice" story, this post was created to it easier to read it in chronological order. I started posting this in August of 2013.

Part 1:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/08/cracked-ice-part-1.html

Part 2:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/08/cracked-ice-part-2.html

Part 3:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/08/cracked-ice-part-3.html

Part 4:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/08/cracked-ice-part-4.html

Part 5:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/08/cracked-ice-part-5.html

Part 6:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/10/cracked-ice-part-6.html

Part 6.5: http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/10/cracked-ice-part-65.html

Part 7:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/10/cracked-ice-part-7.html

Part 8:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/10/cracked-ice-part-8.html

Part 8.5:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/11/cracked-ice-part-85.html

Part 9:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/12/cracked-ice-part-9.html

Part 9.5:   http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2013/12/cracked-ice-part-95.html

Part 9.75:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2014/02/cracked-ice-part-975.html

Part 10:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2014/03/cracked-ice-part-10.html

Part 10.5:  http://leora-tozer.blogspot.com/2014/04/cracked-ice-part-105.html