Open & Honest Communication

I've been making a conscious effort lately to "use my words," to talk to people in an open and honest manner. To act in kindness, but to make sure I state what I do and what I don't want.

The reason why I've been making a careful effort is that I grew up not knowing how to communicate. My parents didn't communicate well with each other, and I wasn't really permitted to have my own opinions as a child. I just had to be a reflection of what their thoughts and beliefs were. As a result, I spent a lot of time living in fear and misunderstanding.

I was fortunate to spend my 20s & 30s with a kind, considerate soul who helped me overcome many of my childhood misperceptions. As time went on, we grew apart. 

Now that I'm single again, I don't want to mislead anyone. I know it is best to start out as friends with someone. There is something disturbing about kissing someone with empty eyes (someone who is holding themselves back so you can't see truly who they are).

As I chat to guys, I make it clear, I want to just be friends, see how that goes. Most guys state they want that too. Why does it surprise me that it seems like they need to mention sex soon after I make this clear?


I get asked, "have you ever cybered or had phone sex before?"
I repeat, I'm not here for that.
He assumed I was mad for asking when I was simply out of the room for a second.

He asked, "don't you miss sex?"
I reply, "of course, I'm human. But, I also know what I need on an emotional/soul level. I don't enjoy hookups."
"I don't either." he interjected.
I continue, "I don't like kissing a guy who has empty eyes."
He suddenly signed out. 

I hope he finds what he's looking for. I know I won't find what I need by just being physical with someone. It would be easier if I could find satisfaction with that, but I accept that it's not meant to be.

Of course, next time someone asks me if I've had phone sex, I should just reply with this video:

Life Story created by your favorite director

It is part of the human condition to believe at times you are starring in a comic-tragic tour-de-force. If your life is indeed a movie, who is the director of your life story?


1) If your life story contains crazy, over-the-top situations and all of the characters around you are insane, but you are sane: Congratulations, your life story is being directed by Stanley Kurbrick. [As a bonus, most likely Peter Sellers is playing you.]

2) If your life story is an epic comedy with slight gags, funny names and co-starring either Harvey Korman Madeline Kahn: Congratulations, your life story is being directed by Mel Brooks. [If this were my case, could I please be Terri Garr's character in Young Frankenstein"?]

3) If your life story is an epic story showing the intense struggle of the protagonist against a violent and cruel world: Congratulations, your life story is being directed by Martin Scorsese. [Even his movies that don't have physical violence do have elements of emotional/mental violence. For example "The Age of Innocence" and "Hugo" both have elements of emotional cruelty that would be tough to face, no matter who you are.]

4) If your life story has quirky characters who are living their daily lives and facing personal problems with humor: Congratulations, your life story is being directed by Wes Anderson. [Most likely, one of your supporting cast is Bill Murray.]

5) If your life story contains crazy, over-the-top situations and all of the characters in the story are insane (INCLUDING YOU): Congratulations, your life story is being directed by Terry Gilliam. 

6) If your life story contains you walking around with friends and neurotically analyzing life: Congratulations, your life story is being directed by Woody Allen. 

7) If your life story contains gothic dreamscapes and interesting characters: Congratulations, your life story is being directed by Tim Burton. [If you are male, most likely Johnny Depp would be playing your role.]

8) If your life story contains strange characters, unusual and sometimes gross situations: Congratulations, your life story is being directed by John Waters. [By the way, if you do see him hitchhiking, please give Mr. Waters a ride. He would definitely be an interesting fellow to talk to.]


As someone who loves movies and adores most of the above movie directors/writers, I hope you're not offended by this list. I'm also wondering if any of you would have any directors you would like to add to this list. If so, please share and add what type of movie they would create your life into.

You a big flirt?

I'm starting to realize that there is no point in trying to find someone to talk to on the internet (in various chat rooms, etc.). I want to have an honest dialogue that is free from games or pretenses. Generally, you will either find someone who is out playing games or trying to lie to get what they want.

In general, some of the questions I receive from men leave me puzzled. What is the correct response to "you gonna be shy if we ever meet?"

My response was none the first time; the conversation went on. Since I mentioned I was doing laundry, he asked "wanna do mine?" I replied, "no." He tried to talk me into it & I answered, "Sorry, not my department." {Because I'm not his mother, and currently only do my clothes and little people clothes.}

After that, he needed to determine if I was stubborn. I stated that I'm not a doormat (or rug), so for some guys that would be being stubborn.

Of course, he did have to ask again, "you a big flirt?"

What does that even mean? I'm still not certain from his supposed explanation, which was "if you like a guy to do go for him or wait for him to come to you?"

Why do some guys look at life in simple black-and-white terms like that? Everything depends upon the context and the situation. Sometimes you don't know you like someone until they've shown interest in you, and then you suddenly see them in a new light.

Other times, you like someone, but know that it's not appropriate (or warranted) to approach them, so you keep quiet on your feelings and treat them with respect and kindness (as you should to everyone you meet on the journey called life).

In reality, after having a conversation like this, I just feel like Groucho Marx in that scene from "Horse Feathers" where Thelma Todd starts talking in the cutesy baby voice.


Yes, if this conversation continues, this pacifist will want to kick someone's teeth in.

Hello Notice

Yes, "Hello Notice" was the subject line to the spam-u-dulent email I received:

"Desk of Mrs. Helen Charles
{If so, why is her email address: princesshelencharles through gmail?...
Secretary of US Department of Homeland Security Washington D.C.
Wait a minute, WHO? 
Shoudn't that be J. Napolitano?
http://www.dhs.gov/xabout/structure/gc_1232568253959.shtm}

Attention Beneficiary,

FINAL NOTIFICATION REGARDING YOUR FUND

Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery, Contract and Inheritance.








Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have also noticed that over the past you have been transacting with some imposters and fraudsters.

{Absolutely untrue; or wait a minute, perhaps there was that time I thought I was talking to foreign gov't officials. But, I've learned my lesson. And I never sent them money...why would I start now?}

We have negotiated with the Federal Ministry of Finance of Nigeria that your payment totaling $200,000 will be released to you via a custom pin based Credit card with a maximum withdrawal limit of $8,000 a day which is powered by Master Credit Card and can be used anywhere
in the world for  withdraw or transaction.

{That sounds perfectly legit to me [sarcasm inserted!]; how about to you?}

We have perfected everything in regards to the release of your $500,000 United States Dollars to be 100% risk free from any hitches as it's our duty to protect citizens of globally

{Wait, wasn't it $200,000 in the previous paragraph...}

To redeem your fund you are hereby advised to abide to the instruction below to enable the shipment of the Premium Master Credit Card and it’s back up document and the charge fee required to pay for the shipping /security insurance fee is $86 only nothing more and no hidden fees as everything else
has been taken cared of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $86 only.

{Hahahaha...If there was actual money involved, I'm pretty sure the taxes would be much higher than $86.}

[There was some other contact names here; but the whole sentence really didn't make any logical sense, so I deleted to save you from the headache of reading it. You're welcome. Of course, if I deleted purely for logical sense, I wouldn't have anything left to post, would I?]

Thanks and hope to read from you soon with the payment confirmation details to enable the delivery.

Mrs. Helen Charles.
Secretary of US Department of Homeland Security

{No, No you are not...}

Me, Myself & I

I did something earlier this week that could be considered impulsive and rash. It's very odd, but I don't feel bad about what I had done.

I feel comfortable in my own skin and accept that sometimes I will make mistakes.

I also understand that sometimes others may reject me for my choices or because they are judgmental. That is fine; I respect that we all need to decide for ourselves what is the best path for each of us

I need to keep embracing who I am, as long as I am respectful of others. I don't want disrespectful folks in my life, or people who can't accept that am I am fully a human being. I can be silly, happy, sexual, but those things do not make me less of a person; they make me more human.

I have a new-found inner peace. It would be nice if someday I could find my male equal. But, it's not necessary. I'm here and love myself. That is the main thing we all need from ourselves.

I like me for being me. I've worked hard to get to here - all of those years of being told I wasn't "enough". I've washed all of that away.

I'm me; that's enough.

It's a new year...

I know I've spent some time here complaining, but I think I'm over that for the most part. Overall, I'm pretty content with my life. I know I'm making healthy choices and keeping nearly all of the "negative vibe merchants" out of my life. {What I mean by that is that I am no longer giving other people permission to drag me down with them...As someone who is empathetic, I have adopted other people's negative thoughts and attitudes. This especially plagued me in my 20s & 30s. I can't allow this in my life anymore. It has felt good accept responsibility for myself over these last couple of years I have implemented this.}

I'm currently wondering if I will find my creative spark again. It felt like I was really connecting with parts of myself I normally couldn't when I used to write. Naturally, for me, it was partly working in collaboration with others that I felt the most at home. Being part of a team is frustrating, rewarding, fulfilling and fun experience all in one. If it gets too intense and dysfunctional, it can ruin something mystical and good.

I know my personal mental block is 2 prong: 1) working far from home means less time at home to give towards creative ventures; 2) I have been forgetting/neglecting Sinclair's best and most accurate advice on the subject: "apply seat to chair and write!"

It's a new year, a new frame to work with. I'm hopeful I will keep my mind limber enough to be here a couple of nights a week. [Or, if not here, at least go into Word, and capture ideas, story lines, snapshots of scenes.]

I wish you all well and hope your creative muses are truly inspirational.

Here's for quiet and quietude

It is definitely what I miss the most. In this house, I can continually hear the upstairs neighbors. I hear when he stomps around, I hear when he "lectures" his elders, I hear when he squeaks his bed. [That is getting very annoying, as he seems to do it continually when I am awake and in my living room. If I get up in the middle of the night and check my email, he starts that damn bed squeaking again. It's something I really don't want to ponder in any way, shape or form...I am most disturbed by it when I have the kids here. I already presume he's not to be trusted around children and that squeaking further cements it.]

I realize; it's all completely my fault. I picked here to live. The choice in this small town is very slim, as far as affordable rent (with fairly safe location) goes. I know that it is best for me to by as close as possible to where the kids live.

So, I need to find my own ways to cope. I have noticed that my creative process has really closed down since living here. A huge part of it is this house. The feeling of being monitored (even just audibly) has shut me down. I'm trying very hard lately to try to work around this feeling of repression.

I hope I can. It has altered me for the worse to not try to be creative in some way.