Don't feed the internet dating trolls

It just occurred to me that since receiving my first obscene phone call (at age 19), I try to normalize conversations with men who attempt to objectify me. In the case of my first obscene phone caller, I was able to have them answer enough questions that I figured out who it was. Then a friend assisted me in confronting him a couple of weeks later. Even though it probably didn’t change his behavior, it was an empowering to let someone know that it wasn’t cool to be disrespectful to me.

I joined two dating websites three weeks ago. For the most part, guys have been pretty respectful to me. A few guys who contact me are dating scam profiles. Now, I’m a bit more discerning and can generally tell.

And then there are a few guys who are out to just be sexually harassing. I know the safety of the internet makes it easier for people to treat each other as less than human. Some people are completely anonymous on the profiles when they are using photos that are obviously from the internet.

In one case, a harassing conversation became existential philosophy exploration for me:

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: Hello Beautiful                                             Sent from app Oct 21

ME: Hello. I can't tell much about what you are looking for. Are you single, married or involved with someone? What are you looking for on OKC? Peace

Sent Oct 31

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE:  I want you                                                    Sent from app Nov 1

ME: I'm a human being, not an object. Not a repository for your passing fantasies.     Sent Nov 1

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE:     {Sad face emoji}                                         Sent from app Nov 1

ME: Have you ever tried approaching a woman as a human being?                          Sent Nov 1

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: But why?                                                      Sent from app Nov 1

ME: Because you strive someday to become human too.                                          Sent Nov 1

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: Na                                                                 Sent from app Nov 1

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE:    {Devil horn emoji}                                           Sent from app Nov 1

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: I bet u r yummy, tasty too.
Mmmmmmm baby                                                                                          Sent from app Nov 1

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: Hello Beautiful                                             Sent from app Nov 3

ME: Hi                                                                                                                        Sent Nov 3

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: What u doing beautiful                                 Sent from app Nov 4

ME: Was at work. Now, going to walk. What are you doing?                                  Sent Nov 4

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: Relaxing                                                        Sent from app Nov 5

ME: Cool, I'm going to a local film fest. Have an enjoyable weekend.                     Sent Nov 5

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: Good morning beautiful                               Sent from app Nov 6

ME: Morning. How come you don't have any real photos on your profile? Who are you trying to hide from?                                                                                                                    Sent Nov 6

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE:  I'm shy. Lol                                                  Sent from app Nov 7

ME: So, why exactly is a married guy like you on here?
I'm not interested in someone who's married or in a relationship. I'm only interested in single guys.                                                                                                                                   Sent Nov 7

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: I'm single. I want you beautiful                    Sent from app Nov 7

ME: Then why are you hiding what you look like?                                                    Sent Nov 7

ME: Real beauty is what is in a person's heart, mind and soul. Declarations of want are just passing feelings of lust, nothing more.                                                              Sent Nov 7

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: Yup. Lust.                                                     Sent from app Nov 7

ME: I'm not interested in lust. I crave something real, something substantial, something soul-satisfying. Only real intimacy can provide that. Mere physical lust is too empty.   Sent Nov 7

ME: PS: [A link to an article which had the photo this profile was using.]                Sent Nov 7

ME: So, the question you might consider asking yourself is "Why do I think I deserve something temporary? Why do I think I don't deserve something real?"                            Sent Nov 7

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: Xoxoxo                                             Sent from app Yesterday

ME: Dude, I found where you got your fake profile photo. Why are you still messaging me?

Sent Yesterday

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: I want you                                         Sent from app Yesterday

ME: Fantasy is what you seek...not reality.                                                    Sent Yesterday

ME: How can you have anyone if you won't allow yourself to be seen?       Sent Yesterday

ME: I'm tired of being a male fantasy figure.                                                 Sent Yesterday

LONELY_FAKE_PROFILE: You are so beautiful so sexy I just want to touch feel n taste you

Sent from app 5:39am

ME: That's just your fantasy...nothing real. You don't know me, nor do you seem concerned with my wants, needs and desires.                                                                             Sent 7:16pm

ME: I know nothing about you...why should this matter to me?                   Sent 7:56pm

ME: Has this type of conversation been effective for you before?
Why do you continue?                                                                                    Sent 8:30pm

ME: The worst thing to say about this site is that you are the closest thing to a date I've found, so far. I actually believe that you are in Minnesota. Are you?                          Sent 8:42pm

No, I won’t be replying any further on this conversation. There isn’t any point. [Unless my friends out there have any secrets in how to properly reply to internet trolls.

I also need to quit normalizing these conversations. Especially conversations in person, if it’s safe to do so, I should express my thoughts and ensure guys understand that it isn’t kind to treat other people as objects or disposable toys.

And the rain was purple this afternoon...

I was exchanging thoughts with a friend on how music moves us and how we are affected when a beloved musician dies. Since she was thinking about the moon and music, I realized how important the moon’s imagery is to us. So many artists refer to the moon, since we use its light to illuminate our path and the metaphor of the mood can reflect our emotions.

Photo by BigFoto.com

Music moves our soul; it assists us mere mortals in expressing thoughts we can’t usually put into words-the sublime. So many people are sharing thoughts, listening to music, and reflecting today. It’s time to move forward, to no longer be afraid of one’s shadow, and to let your voice be heard. I’m no longer living in the shadows. I am ready to open my heart to life.

My thoughts have made me want to reach out to others; especially my favorite songwriter to let him know how much his spirit, his words and voice have meant to me over the years.

Thank you to my fellow Minnesotan for making us appreciate life and love though your music. Your death has left many of us stunned, but we haven’t forgotten to embrace life a bit more tonight. There will be dance parties to remember and celebrate you tonight.

To a beautiful mystic cleric:

I feel as though you want me to feel badly for wanting someone to be my friend and lover. I just want a strong foundation to build a real, vital and beautiful relationship - whether it's friendship, as lovers, or more.

Why should either of us settle for anything less?

I see the world as an incredible journey and one where we each need to be kind to each other and to raise the energy around us. Life is unkind enough, so why not try every effort to be kind to each other?

I feel that we awaken something in each other. Do you feel too?

When a person becomes awakened, sometimes darkness is stirred. We each have to face our inner darkness, and heal the past hurts. I refuse to blame others for any hurt I have; it is my responsibility to heal myself. I can’t heal you, for the only one who can do that is you.

My body ached for you last weekend. The longing has been increasing since Thursday evening. Another weekend I spend aching for your touch, your kisses, while you shut me out. 

Last night I felt the most pure connection with you. It was only a few moments, but it was beautiful, true and pure. It didn't resemble any conjuring or cheap magic tricks.

The writing on all the wall is this: You are not emotionally available, if you keep shutting the door to your heart.

Photo by bigfoto.com

I will go within, and work on healing my heart. I know I am love. I am so grateful for all of the good people and good surroundings in my life. I need to let go and let God. The universe will bring someone into my life if it’s meant to be. Life is magic regardless.