Musings for Tonight.

I have put off nurturing my creative spirit. I’ve misplaced my ability to unravel a story, to enrapture myself and others into a fable.  Did I lose my muse, or did my muse lose me?

Photo by BigFoto.com

My dear muse, I know you are out there…sometimes I feel you trying to capture my attention, but I’m lost in a tangle of cobwebs and paper. I have lost my joy at times, but I’m working  my way to find it again. I have glimmers of it, when I’m in a crowded place and the music is loud. We are all dancing, to get lost in the music, to find ourselves, to feel a sense of belonging, to know all is right in that exact moment, to become one with the universe.

The music bathes us as we are all covered in sweat and dirt, the musicians, the dancers; the audience becomes part of the spectacle. Afterwards, women only a few years older than me can claim or accuse, “I saw you out there dancing.” They think I’m one of the young ones, but I’m only a mirror, reflecting whatever they choose to see. I am neither young nor old; I just am here-never really blending in or belonging, yet not completely out of place.

I’ve spent too many years “on pause”, uncertain and unsure. I left my old life, but didn’t start a new one. Merely worked, spent time with the kids, and healed old wounds (primordial wounds from childhood). I spent 7 years nurturing the kids and me. Found my way to a job closer to home.

2015 was a strange transition year. I attempted dating, and made some bad judgments. I can’t blame my intuition for my mistakes, because I had simply refused to honor and listen to it. The beginning of this year, I’ve dusted myself off and forgive myself, certain now that I will honor and listen. I want to embrace life, have fun, and explore the world a bit more. Move forward – hit play and record. 2016 is going to be a beautiful, incredible, and humbling adventure.