Not Yet...Yet When?

Title: Not yet…yet when?

The first quiet moment

Of an action packed day.

My heart quietly aches

No potential best friend/lover

On the horizon

Will anyone come close?

Thinking back on this

Strange month

It could have been

The greatest troll in history.

If so, all I have to say is:

“Well played, good sir.”

It could have been

Completely genuine

But he’s too used to the pain

Of current patterns

And misdirected thoughts.

It could have been…

Yet, it’s just words

I’m holding out for something more,

Something substantial, something real.

_____________________________

Don’t get me wrong

I’m thankful for all that’s incredible

And wonderful in this life.

Much gratitude.

~~~Written Oct. 25, 2019 at 11:50pm

Stuck in park (poem)

I wounded my own pride

Last Friday

Keep hoping to find a man

Who’s available

Who’s forthright

A gentleman who’s willing

To take a chance

On a plain and kind woman like me

I had hit a wall a few years before

And had taken for granted

I wouldn’t feel sexual again

I had made peace with that

It’s exhausting how many boys

Want to just jangle my keys at bit
Rev my engine, 
and shift back into park

Yet, here I am again

My engine’s been revved

In a theatre of the mind

My wheels are seized up

Will I ever be allowed to drive?

I need to be open

Yet guarded with my heart

There’s so much to be

In this life

Within all the beauty and pain,

I’m at peace with being on my own

-written Sept. 30, 2019

Tribute to Ric Ocasek

I have been a bit frozen, not really able to write anything about the passing of my favorite writer/artist/techno-mage. Everyone else has been able to express such deep-felt sorrow. The week after Ric’s death, I went and mourned with strangers on a dance floor and with friends as I played records. [So many songs played Friday the 20^th, yet so many songs were not played. Ric’s songwriting was so prolific, I barely played any of his solo albums.] I read so many articles, including one that asked, “Am I mourning Ric Ocasek? Or my lost youth?” [The answer, of course, is both!]

The Cars (and Ric’s) music had been a cohesive force in my life. [For example, “It’s All Mixed Up” perfectly described all 10-year-old me witnessed going on with my parents.] Ric’s lyrics helped me make sense of the world, and myself. His writing helped me find my own voice; his music helped me express different facets of my personality. When I was a young mom with no social life, “meeting” people online became a wonderful way to make friends, share ideas, and learn new things. Maybe in some way, I had let go a bit after seeing The Cars at First Avenue May 2011. Seeing my favorite band at my favorite venue was surreal, beautiful and healing.  

On and off these last 2 weeks, I’ve been in a dull funk. It felt like a door permanently shut behind me when I heard the news. I’ve had little nudges like this before, but this is all I could think: It’s time to move forward (or get out of the way). It’s time to express my art, share my soul with others. No more hiding in the shadows. What an overwhelming feeling.

Yet, we all need to step forward, and do what we’re meant to do. To live our best life, to be kind, to be true to our souls, to encourage and help others in their creativity and self-expression. What else could be a better tribute to Ric Ocasek? 

Thank you Ric: for sharing your songs, and your talent, as well as providing an example of how to live a life as an artist. I’m sending so much love, peace, and healing to his family, friends, and to the people in his life. Us fans, we have the music, and the inspiration; nothing can take that away.

Rest In Peace, RO.

With much love and respect,

Leora Tozer (aka Deb M)