Online vs. Reality

There is no "should" in life
It's alright not to follow the crowd
Many times online
Equals disconnection from real life

Everyone has to listen to
Their own inner voice

Finding balance and clarity
Is difficult in a world
That tries to pull your attention
in 50 different directions

The silence can nurture
Online chatter can isolate
If you fall into its web

Cracked wide open

My heart trembles

Looking to be cracked wide open

Surging with electricity

My body aches

For a gentle touch

Tracing down my arm

My hands caressing

Smooth skin and a tender heart

Eyes are mirrors

Reflecting each others’

Hopes and dreams

Not held back by inner fears

Pull my heart apart

Dive in deep

Release my darkness

Does it resemble your own?

My heart rattles in my chest

Knowing more than I see

Been living too practical for too long

Now seeing the divine

Moment by moment

Day by day

And the rain was purple this afternoon...

I was exchanging thoughts with a friend on how music moves us and how we are affected when a beloved musician dies. Since she was thinking about the moon and music, I realized how important the moon’s imagery is to us. So many artists refer to the moon, since we use its light to illuminate our path and the metaphor of the mood can reflect our emotions.

Photo by BigFoto.com

Music moves our soul; it assists us mere mortals in expressing thoughts we can’t usually put into words-the sublime. So many people are sharing thoughts, listening to music, and reflecting today. It’s time to move forward, to no longer be afraid of one’s shadow, and to let your voice be heard. I’m no longer living in the shadows. I am ready to open my heart to life.

My thoughts have made me want to reach out to others; especially my favorite songwriter to let him know how much his spirit, his words and voice have meant to me over the years.

Thank you to my fellow Minnesotan for making us appreciate life and love though your music. Your death has left many of us stunned, but we haven’t forgotten to embrace life a bit more tonight. There will be dance parties to remember and celebrate you tonight.

Musings for Tonight.

I have put off nurturing my creative spirit. I’ve misplaced my ability to unravel a story, to enrapture myself and others into a fable.  Did I lose my muse, or did my muse lose me?

Photo by BigFoto.com

My dear muse, I know you are out there…sometimes I feel you trying to capture my attention, but I’m lost in a tangle of cobwebs and paper. I have lost my joy at times, but I’m working  my way to find it again. I have glimmers of it, when I’m in a crowded place and the music is loud. We are all dancing, to get lost in the music, to find ourselves, to feel a sense of belonging, to know all is right in that exact moment, to become one with the universe.

The music bathes us as we are all covered in sweat and dirt, the musicians, the dancers; the audience becomes part of the spectacle. Afterwards, women only a few years older than me can claim or accuse, “I saw you out there dancing.” They think I’m one of the young ones, but I’m only a mirror, reflecting whatever they choose to see. I am neither young nor old; I just am here-never really blending in or belonging, yet not completely out of place.

I’ve spent too many years “on pause”, uncertain and unsure. I left my old life, but didn’t start a new one. Merely worked, spent time with the kids, and healed old wounds (primordial wounds from childhood). I spent 7 years nurturing the kids and me. Found my way to a job closer to home.

2015 was a strange transition year. I attempted dating, and made some bad judgments. I can’t blame my intuition for my mistakes, because I had simply refused to honor and listen to it. The beginning of this year, I’ve dusted myself off and forgive myself, certain now that I will honor and listen. I want to embrace life, have fun, and explore the world a bit more. Move forward – hit play and record. 2016 is going to be a beautiful, incredible, and humbling adventure.

Finding peace and understanding

The more things change, the more they remain the same.

Photo by BigFoto.com

But, this phrase isn’t always true. It isn’t set in stone. Things move forward. Sometimes things seem like they are moving a step or two backwards, then they move forward again.

I just left a school board meeting tonight, feeling slightly traumatized. I had 13 years of being picked on at school for being “different.” I wasn’t gay or transgendered, so I don’t know those exact struggles; I was someone who was different through the alcoholic and abusive environment I grew up in. So, I have a deep amount of empathy and relate to anyone who feels marginalized by society.

I’ve since entered this world seeing that we are all different. We are equal, but different, unique, ourselves. The only calling we really have is to be true to who we are inside, and to be kind, considerate and caring to others.

So much fear was expressed by people in that school board meeting tonight. People fear “them.” Yet, we are all freaks, strange in our own way. We are all human, with our own insecurities and struggles. We have to be tolerant of other people’s intolerance.

Some of the arguments against the transgender inclusion policy reminded me of some of the same arguments used against African Americans during the civil rights struggle. [What will keep our women/girls safe against this onslaught?]

Fear clouds the mind, and when fear is in full force, anger closes the heart against humanity, fairness, and peace.

Let go of fear. Accept that we are all different, but equal. Let love, kindness and peace guide each of you to your greatest strengths.

Waking myself to Life

There is nothing quite as invigorating as having a conversation that makes you rethink things. I’m fortunate to have had a couple last night at a local drinking establishment (after the brewery shut down).

Conversation #1:

Just a short story about how someone encouraged her to try running, just by starting out with 2 minutes and building up to more. It was eye-opening to her that she could do it, when she's used to people telling her it’s not possible. I could relate to that so much with how my family viewed things.

We often limit ourselves by not seeing that we stand in our own way. We automatically say “Yes” to things we don’t want to do, and “No” to things we do want to do. We need to be kind to ourselves and say “Yes” to you more often. Also, it makes me want to invite a few more souls into my life who are saying “Yes” to themselves and the grand adventure of life.

 

Photo by bigfoto.com

Conversation #2:

A little while later, a friend’s husband was sharing with me how he felt that volleyball was the only real sport. That other sports (such as football and soccer) only featured one or two featured players and the coach directs the plays Volleyball involved teamwork. No one player is more important than the other. The coach is there to cheer the players on, and the players are the ones who make the decisions on the next play.

This could be a great metaphor for life. Perhaps we be more like a volleyball team, everyone take turns at serving. We work together as one towards a common goal. Could we start believing that we are all a part of something unique, something beautiful?

I’m feeling so much more open to honoring my intuition. Living life day by day, and seeing where the journey will take me. Breaking my heart further open and seeing what happens next.