Life Lessons Learned from a Narcissist

As an empath, I have attracted unhealthy people into my life from time to time. However, with each different friendship or relationship, one can learn much about others and yourself. 

This spring, I got entangled in a narcissist’s web for a few months. On my side, it wasn’t my intention to get involved with an unavailable, married man who had two jobs and lived two hours away. I had a couple of interesting conversations with him, and like to learn from other people’s journeys. We started texting each other, I offering encouragement and listening when he needed to de-stress about his work as an EMT. Eventually, I slipped through the rabbit hole, becoming an addict for his words, his attention. 

The things I learned from being in this unhealthy dynamic were immense. These are only a few of the lessons I’ve learned. 

1. The Power of Manifestation: He had a very strong ability to manifest what he wanted. One Saturday, he even convinced me to invite him over and make him supper. I take ownership for what occurred, because I wasn’t clear enough on what I truly wanted and needed in my life. I know now that I need to listen to my inner voice and be clear on what people and situations are truly nurturing for my soul. If I don’t nurture myself, I can’t be there for the people I care about. 


2. The Power of Your Name: We all want to be seen, truly seen. What better way to seem to acknowledge that you see someone than by calling them by their name. And when you have a deep longing for someone, the electric yearning through the phone lines becomes more intense you hear him say your name, and you whisper his name back. 


3. The Power of Touch: I had been by myself for over 5 years when I encountered this man. The seductive power of touch, gentle touches, my lips being kissed as if they were being worshiped; it was potent for someone so starved for touch. However, I also know that I would rather be touched, kissed, caressed (and more) by someone who really deeply cared for me: mind, body and soul. Maybe the lesson is to reach out more to others; if only Midwesterners were more comfortable with hugging friends. 


4. Love should be Open and Free: I’m quoting my friend Salem here: “Love should be open and free. Natural. No Boundaries.” He wanted me to be his secret. The thought of being a secret caused my soul a lot of distress. I realized why, when I saw a pattern of secrets in my life: as a child, my parents unhealthy dynamic of abuse and alcoholism; as a young adult, my depression; as a middle-aged woman: keeping my writing as a secret from most; as a divorced mother, not using the word “divorced” with the kids (as they were so young when it happened). 


5. The Universe is telling you, if you will listen: The Universe was telling me to stay away, but I didn’t listen. I became anemic during this time, (in)directly related to being involved with him. Since I’ve become clear in not wanting him in my life, I’ve become much stronger, more loving to myself, and have found peace in my soul. I’ve also found I’ve feel more connected to my friends.

Sometimes the universe brings someone into your life for a reason. Perhaps, it's to make you grow, step out of your shell, or shake you awake. I needed to experience this, in order to find out what I want, what I'm made of, and how to forgive and love myself more.

This experience has made me want to really get out in the world more, to find someone (who's actually available) who will help me break my heart wide open (and I his), and to truly share who I am in the world. I am done hiding in the shadows. Will I find someone to step out into the light with me?

If not, I don't mind stepping out into the light by myself.